Me Too, Allie Brosh!
- At January 31, 2012
- By Roxanne Snopek
- In Life, Roxanne Writes On
- 0
I have a tendency to mordant thoughts: you know, the cruelty of school children, the inevitability of loss and the utter futility of pretending your existence matters, in the big picture . Yes, really. You should see me at a party. (Also, what to do about that gross stuff that accumulates on the inside of the dishwasher. It makes me gag. Plus, how are you supposed to reach it??)
And right now, I’m feeling extremely sorry for myself. Poor, poor me.
Anyway, because, as I may have mentioned, I’ve buggered my elbow, I won’t go on and on here. I’m supposed to limit my usage of said elbow. But in case any of you’ve missed her episode on depression, Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half captured my mental malaise perfectly. (Sistah from anothah mistah? Hm.)
Things I Hate Today
Has this ever happened to you? You’re going about your day, minding your own business, your body doing all it’s usual breathing and digesting with absolutely no conscious instruction on your part. Then suddenly your epiglottis gets distracted, misses a cue and there you are: choking on your own spit.
Not just a little tickle, either. I’m talking about the alarming fits that are especially precious during funerals and job interviews. I had to leave the front row of a crowded – and silent – lecture hall this past weekend at the Surrey International Writers’ Conference for one of these interludes. Thank you, body. That’s not quite how I envisioned earning name recognition.
I can understand inhaling food or beverages. That’s just inappropriate multi-tasking – the choker was probably talking with a full mouth. I’ve done that too. Karma. I get it.
But spit? With no warning? There’s no reason for that!
And why do these episodes usually progress to full-blown, tears-streaming down your face, voice gone, coughing fits that only end with that horrible gag-belch-cough?
I hate it when that happens.